


Speak Now

by lysztomania



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Based on a Taylor Swift Song, F/F, Inspired by Taylor Swift, Song: Speak Now (Taylor Swift)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:42:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26158249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lysztomania/pseuds/lysztomania
Summary: She only has one second to avoid the everlasting heartbreak.Life is granting her one last chance.Either she speaks out now or she will have to hold her peace forever.
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Kim Minji | JiU, Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon, Kim Minji | JiU/Lee Siyeon
Comments: 15
Kudos: 60
Collections: DreamCatcher Taylor Swift Ficfest 2k20





	Speak Now

The day has come.

The day everyone was looking forward to, some less than others.

Minji was absolutely not one of those who were eagerly waiting.

She looks at her silhouette reflected in the mirror, trying to adjust her white dress as much as possible.

Her gaze lingers on her own face: her eyes, red and swollen from all the crying of the previous night, and the dark circles under them signal she hasn’t had any sleep.

The woman gives herself a once-over.

Not satisfied, she strips and gets rid of the dress, unceremoniously throwing it on the ground.

“Stupid useless dress” she kicks it with all the anger she has stored inside “It’s not like you’re the one getting married. You won’t need that, idiot”

Tears start to stream down her face, giving her that warmth she had been craving so desperately, but not in the way she needs it.

She needs two arms wrapped around her waist and two lips enveloping hers, keeping her body and soul warm.

But unfortunately those arms and lips she has always wanted for herself are hugging and kissing someone else, about to become someone else’s, **forever**.

And she can’t do anything to stop it.

That is really not the way she imagined the day to go.

That’s not how it should be.

She shouldn’t be sobbing in her room, she shouldn’t feel that hole in her chest that makes it hard to breathe, she shouldn’t be trying on the cheapest dress she owns because it’s the only thing that comes close to a wedding dress.

She shouldn’t be faking her own wedding.

She should be the bride.

_ Maybe I would have been in that place if only I had told her about my feelings earlier. I don’t know that for sure. But at least I wouldn’t have these regrets tearing my skin apart. _

The brunette girl slides down the wall next to her bed and rests her head on her knees, hugging them close to her chest.

Her whole body, heart and soul aching.

She reaches for her phone on the bedside table and stares at the lockscreen: the usual basic theme you find in every smartphone.

She knows she shouldn’t unlock it, she knows all the memories will come back to her and rip her heart apart once again the second she’ll put her index finger on the home button.

But she does it anyway, because, despite all the pain, those are happy memories and she wants to relish them until it’s too late.

So the girl unlocks her phone: waiting for her, the first picture they took together, when they were just little kids.

When everything was easy, less complicated.

When there was only platonic love between them.

As expected, all the moments they spent together appear right in front of her eyes, in the middle of the room, like an hologram and it’s not long until she starts sobbing again.

But it doesn’t last.

A very crazy and very wrong idea sparks in her mind.

Maybe she still has time.

Maybe she can fix everything.

She abruptly gets up, almost stumbling on her way to the wardrobe and starts rummaging through it.

The woman then looks behind her back and her eyes land on the white dress still on the floor.

She quickly puts it on, grabs her car keys and starts making her way to the church.

Minji knows what she’s about to do is going to leave her completely heartbroken, but she feels like she has to try.

_ Even if there’s only a ten percent chance, I have to try. _

_ One last time. _

_ It’s not over until they say “yes”. _

While Minji spends the few hours before the wedding crying on the floor, Bora on the other hand spends them checking herself out in the mirror, pretty satisfied with the dress she chose.

Her bridesmaids are sitting on the armchairs of the waiting room inside one of the chapels.

“Are you done ogling yourself?”

“No, I’m sorry Dongie, but today I look extremely good, so I’ll check myself out until the organ starts playing”

“And we have to stay here until that?” Yubin looks up from her phone to give Bora an annoyed glance, but the bride challenges her with a far more intimidating look that silently tells the girl to shut up or else.

“You know, you two are shitty bridesmaids. I should have chosen Gahyeon, she would have showered me with compliments”

“Oh come on, you know we’re joking”

“You and your dramatic ass” Dong lightly elbows Yubin on her ribs.

“I do not feel loved at the moment, you’re failing your job as bridesmaids”

Bora turns around pouting and crossing her arms, giving the others her back.

The oldest maid of honor gives the youngest a glance.

“Do I have to?” Yubin whispers and Dong mouths _**yes**_ with all the fervor she has in her body.

“We are so sorry for disrespecting you, queen. We shall never do it again”

The two of them wrap their arms around the tiny bride, her fake annoyance facade already starting to fall, the hint of a smile appears on her face.

“Forgive us, queen of the seven realms. Empress of the universe” Yubin says the last sentence with a soulless voice and such a heavy sarcasm it makes all of them laugh.

Bora ends her laughter with a nostalgic, kind of sad note.

She looks out, towards the big colorful stained glass window of the room.

“It’s okay. No matter what dress I wear, this day will never be as perfect as I’d want it to be if she’s not here”

“I’m sure she did everything she could to try to come” Yubin nods, agreeing with the other woman.

“But in the end, she’s not here” Bora turns around, giving the girls her back once again and not-so-subtly wipes a stray tear from her face “I’m sure there will be plenty of chances for us to be together and celebrate”

Dong and Yubin share one knowing glance, but they decide it’s best for Bora not to know the real reason why Minji can’t attend her wedding.

Bora gets closer to the window, hugging herself, desperately needing that special warmth only one person is able to give her.

_Minji, you idiot._

_Where are you when I need you the most?_

_What kind of best friend are you?_

_You should be here to help with my doubts._

_You should be here to tell me to think about it again, that I’m probably making a mistake._

_You should be here to tell me I'm marrying the wrong girl._

_That you've always been in front of me._

_Who am I kidding?_

_This is what I want to hear, but you would never say it._

_Even if you do think that, you're too selfless to confess on a day like this._

_That's why you're not here, isn't it?_

On the other side of the wall Siyeon is pacing around the room, restlessness evident in her eyes.

Yoohyeon stands up and tries to stop the woman, but Siyeon just swats the taller girl’s hands from her arms and starts the same routine she had been doing for the past thirty minutes.

“I know you’re nervous, but-”

“I’m not nervous Yoohyeon, I’m fucking pissed”

“Pissed?” / “Pissed?” Yoohyeon and Gahyeon look at each other, confusion in their eyes.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s not like we told her at the last minute. She had all the time in the world to get organized”

“Ohh, Minji” Siyeon’s bridesmaids say in chorus.

“Yeah, of course, Minji. Who else?”

“It’s not really her fault” the youngest one tries to pacify her, unsuccesfully.

“It is though. Whose else should it be? I mean, she knew in advance. She should have asked someone to cover for her beforehand”

“C’mon Si, you’ll celebrate another time” Yoohyeon knows she fucked up the moment her eyes meet Siyeon’s furious ones.

“Another time? **Another time?** This is my wedding. A once-in-a-lifetime thing. This is my wedding and my best friend isn’t here. I have every right to be mad”

Yoohyeon and Gahyeon exchange a glance once again.

Maybe the best way to calm her down is to make her focus on something, or better someone else.

“Listen” the older maid of honor places her hands over Siyeon’s shoulders “Think about Bora. You’re about to marry the love of your life. Your soulmate. The one person that understands and loves you like no other”

“She’s on the other side of this wall, you know, right?” Siyeon nods and the corner of her lips lifts up “Knowing her she’s probably praising herself in front of the mirror”

They all burst out laughing thinking about Bora’s typical leo behavior.

“But you know her, that is just her way of hiding how nervous she really is” Siyeon sits down on the armchair and leans her head backwards, a shaky breath escaping from her lips.

“And you’re just as nervous” Yoohyeon and Gahyeon kneel down in front of her and take one hand each.

The two younger women start drawing circles on Siyeon’s palms, hoping it will ease her nerves.

When the latter looks them in the eyes, they see pure fear flash in her pupils.

“You’re not nervous, you’re terrified” the youngest notices.

“It’s just… this is such a big step in our lives and I… maybe I’m not ready yet?”

The two women exchange looks for the umpteenth time, understanding each other perfectly.

_ Shit. Second-guessing time. We have to intervene. _

Gahyeon strikes first.

“You’re more than ready Si. You’ve been wanting to marry that girl since you first laid your eyes on her”

“It’s completely normal to have doubts before walking to the altar. Everyone has them, I guess. But I can assure you-”

“What would you two do if you were me?”

Yoohyeon and Gahyeon visibly blush at the implication.

They both avoid to look each other in the eyes while they answer.

“We’re not...”

“Yeah, not really, not now...”

Siyeon sees the oppourtunity to tease them and she seizes it.

“You’ve been together for quite some time. Maybe you too should tie the knot”

The youngest of them looks like she would rather bury herself alive than stay in that room, while Yoohyeon, with cheeks heavily painted in red, answers for both of them.

“We are not going to talk about **that** at your wedding”

Siyeon laughs, satisfied for teasing the couple and feeling a bit calmer.

“She’s the one”

Siyeon looks Gahyeon straight in the eyes and she sees certainty in her little sister’s pupils.

“I know”

_Is she though?_

_Damn Minji, where the hell are you when I need you the most?_

_I desperately need to look into your eyes and know I’m making the biggest mistake of my life._

_You're the one I need._

Minji sneaks in inside the church, trying to keep a low profile hiding inside one of the chapels and carefully peeking to assess the situation: Siyeon is already at the altar, hopping from foot to foot, Yoohyeon and Gahyeon are mocking her for being nervous.

Bora is nowhere to be seen, probably still waiting inside the room with Yubin and Dong, being hyper as always to mask her own nervousness.

She looks around the room, hoping no one saw her, but she's wrong.

“This is a bad idea honey. Like _trying to steal from the lion’s den_ kind of bad. We had advised you not to come”

“Please Dongie. I just… want to see”

“Yeah, that’s the point. That’s the last thing you should do. It’s not good for you. It will hurt. And you know it. Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“Probably because there’s a little part of me that hopes she’ll change her mind. Maybe I can change her mind”

“Listen Minji, I’m your friend, but I’m also theirs. And what you want to do is extremely selfish”

“I have to try”

“You’ll ruin her day. **Their** day”

“What if I’m making her life better instead?”

Dong sighs, giving up her mission.

She knows Minji can be very stubborn and when she sets her mind on something it’s impossible to convince her.

“Fine, do whatever you want to do. But I would strongly advise you against that”

“It’s my last chance”

“You had plenty of chances. You should’ve told her way earlier. Before she got the proposal. Before they started dating. **Before introducing them to each other while you were still in love with one of them** ”

“The biggest mistake of my life probably”

“I still don’t know what you were thinking”

“I guess I wanted to move on. I thought seeing them together would have made me forget about that stupid crush, but I didn’t think it through”

“Clearly not”

“I didn’t think it would hurt so much. I didn’t even think they would fit so well together. Look at them, they complete each other”

“And they’re happy together. Leave them be. Seriously, it’s for the best”

“You don’t understand. I’ve tried time and time again. To forget it, to forget her. I just can’t” Minji sighs heavily, trying to get rid of all the pain and sorrow she feels inside her chest, but it doesn’t work “I wish I could turn back time and tell her. Before coming to this”

“It’s a little too late now, don’t you think?”

“I know, but I don’t want to live my life with any regrets”

“I understand Minji, but… you’ve been keeping it inside for years. And letting it all out now won’t change anything. The only thing it would do is ruin your friendship, with both of them”

“I know. I know I’m about to screw things up. I know she doesn’t love me like that. But there’s this lump in my throat and I can’t seem to get rid of it. I’ve tried, I really did. But it won’t go away” at this point Minji is full on sobbing on Dong’s shoulder.

The latter holds the other woman tightly, trying to give her the strength she needs to move on once and for all.

But she knows it won’t be that easy.

It’s been hard for her and for the others.

Everyone knew Minji had a huge crush on her childhood best friend, it was pretty obvious to every one of them.

Actually they all thought Minji and her would have ended up together, but the girl suddenly decided to introduce her friend to her college colleague.

The spark between the two quickly became a blaze and no matter how much water Minji tried to pour to put out the fire, it was too late.

The damage had been done.

They all had to witness the girl’s pain seeing the love of her life be happy with someone else.

They had to stand in between heartbreak and happiness.

They even tried to mend Minji’s broken heart, set up dates for her, took her out to bars, pubs and nightclubs, but it was all in vain.

Dong knew it would eventually come down to that moment.

Well, she didn’t really expect Minji to decide to drop the bomb the day of the wedding.

And she would really like to stop her, she knows Bora and Siyeon don't deserve this.

But first of all she knows she won’t be able to, no matter how much she tries, no matter the words she uses.

And second, if there’s even a slight chance for Minji to be happy, she wants to give it to her.

Dong knows she shouldn’t, she is Bora’s bridesmaid.

But she has always been the one Minji called when she was feeling extremely down, she was there through it all: the denial, the fake acceptance, the breaking, the fixing and the breaking again.

She was there during all those sleepless nights, when her best friend sobbed for hours, crying on her shoulder until she **finally** fell asleep in her arms.

How many times did she have to come up with an excuse for the girl’s sudden departure on girls’ nights?

How many times did she have to run after her, make sure she got home safe and removed the ruined make-up for her?

How many times did she have to lull the girl to sleep, after an evening spent watching the couple acting all lovey dovey in front of her eyes?

One too many.

Dong has seen with her eyes the broken pieces Minji left on the floor.

She has touched them with her bare hands, she has tried to pick them up and cut herself in the meanwhile.

The more Minji was broken the more she was.

She felt useless and helpless, because she couldn’t numb the pain, she couldn’t fix her heart.

Therefore, even if she loves Siyeon and Bora so so much, even though she knows all too well those two are made for each other, even if she knows it won’t end well, she can’t help but root for Minji.

Dong wipes the tears away from the girl’s cheeks, hoping not to see them ever again.

She gets close to Minji’s ear.

“Good luck”

Then she lets her go and goes back to her place at the altar, where the other bridesmaids are.

Minji looks once again towards the altar: Gahyeon and Yoohyeon engage in a conversation with Yubin, while Dong keeps to herself, nervously looking around.

Siyeon seems to have disappeared.

_ Perfect. _

The woman runs to the closest chapel, hoping it’s the right one.

The closer she gets the more her palms get sweaty.

With each step she takes her heart spirals more and more out of her control, she feels it thumping through her veins.

The pulse is so loud in her ears she doesn’t hear anything but the voice coming from inside the room.

It’s hers, there’s no doubt.

There’s only one door separating her from the love of her life, the girl she has loved since she was twelve.

Minji slowly reaches for the doorknob.

Her hand is shaking.

The sight of it takes her back to one particular day.

One she’d rather forget.

The moment that burned down the last ounce of hope she had.

“ _Oh shit Minji. I can’t believe it. She actually did it. She asked me- She proposed. Fuck fuck fuck. Look at this”_

_The girl extends her arm out for Minji to see the ring on her finger._

_The latter notices the shaky hand, still filled with adrenaline the girl clearly can’t contain._

_And it’s so hard, but she has to do it, for her, for both of them._

_She has to put on her happy smile and congratulate her._

_It’s what a best friend would do._

_That’s the problem._

_She never wanted to be just a best friend._

Minji drops her hand, away from the doorknob, away from the future she wants, away from the love that should be hers.

That she so badly wishes could be hers.

_ I can’t do it. _

_ I wish I could. _

_ But I’ve never put my needs in front of somebody else's, why would I start now? _

_ I would ruin their day. _

_ And everything else. _

_ That’s not what a good friend would do. _

_ And that’s what I am, what I will always be, just a good friend. _

She’s about to take her leave, already thinking about the sweet alcohol that would hopefully make her forget about that cursed day, the day they met, the day she put an end to their possible love story with her own hands, about everything.

Something so strong that could even make her forget about **her.**

Erase her whole existencefrom her memory.

The woman turns on her heels when she hears a voice coming from behind and right after one coming from before her.

_ Shit. _

“MINJI” / “MINJI”

Both brides run to hug her tightly and she has to fight with every inch of her body to keep those damn tears inside.

“Oh c’mon you two. Let go of me. Unless you want to celebrate a three-way marriage”

“We thought you wouldn’t make it” Siyeon looks at her with joy in her eyes, all the anger from earlier completely dissipated with the sight of the older woman.

Minji is quick to cover the younger girl’s face with her hand.

“You shouldn’t see the bride before she walks to the altar”

“And why can she see me? I’m a bride too. What’s this privilege?”

Siyeon pouts and crosses her arms, faking outrage, while Bora rolls her eyes at her soon-wife's antics.

“Because you’re wearing a simple tux, that’s why”

“Hey, I didn’t just choose the first thing I laid my eyes on”

“You sure?”

“Hey, you two, stop it. Are you really going to bicker before your own wedding?” Minji eyes them both, a scolding note in her voice “That’s what I thought”

“You didn’t tell us why you’re here” Bora looks at her suspiciously, but there's a hint of relief in her voice.

“If you don’t want me, I can always go”

“NO” / “DON’T”

“I just managed to escape from work at the last minute. That's it”

“So now you can be one of my bridesmaid”

“Singnie, babe, we’ve already discussed it. She’s **MY** bridesmaid”

“Jeez, I hate couples. Just play rock, paper, scissors and get it over with”

In the end, Minji finds herself beside Dong and Yubin, as Bora’s bridesmaid.

The woman makes her way towards them while, from the other side of the altar, Yoohyeon and Gahyeon look at her bewildered as to why she’s there.

Minji sees panic in their eyes, but she makes sure to reassure the couple by giving them a thumbs up.

Siyeon helps her climb the stairs, her face full of joy, eyes sparkling and smile blinding.

The older woman is delighted to know her presence can make such a big difference.

“I’m a little underdressed for something like this though”

“It’s okay. The only thing that matters is that you’re here”

“Yeah...”

When the bride leaves her side to join her maids of honor, Minji sighs deeply.

“Not to be rude or anything, but what are you doing here?”

Yubin’s straightforward ways make her smile.

“It wasn’t planned. I just wanted to see from the back, but they caught me and... here I am”

“This is going to be tough”

“I know. I could always fake a stomach ache or something like that”

“No offense, but you’re a terrible actress”

All three of them burst out laughing and Minji nods, agreeing with the younger one.

The thoughtlessness of the moment barely lasts a blink of the eye.

A second later she can feel that heavy weight she’s been carrying for years back on her shoulders, heavier than ever before.

Dong puts a hand on her waist and leans in to whisper in her ear.

“Something tells me you backed out”

“That something is right”

“What happened?” Minji justs shakes her head and her friend understands. Dong grabs one of the other girl’s hands and squeezes it tightly “It’s okay. I’m here for you”

“We’re here”

Yubin puts her hand on Minji’s shoulders, trying to reassure her.

The latter wishes it could help, wishes it could be effective.

But it's not.

The knot in Minji’s throat becoming bigger by the second.

“At least if I start crying they’ll think it’s because I’m happy for them”

“Yeah, but don’t start now, pretty please?” Dong puts her hand on Minji’s cheeks and looks her in the eyes.

In the meanwhile, on the other side of the altar, Yoohyeon and Gahyeon notice Minji’s slip and do everything they can to distract Siyeon.

By the time Dong manages to calm Minji down, the wedding march starts playing.

The latter holds her friend’s hand so tight it hurts, but she’s more than willing to bear the pain for the girl.

At the end of the nave Bora makes her appeareance with her breathtakingly beautiful long white dress, adorned with tulle and lace.

Minji looks at Siyeon: her gaze is fixed on the woman walking towards her, her eyes shine and there’s a hint of tears in them.

When she looks at Bora she sees the same exact look, the _I’m about to marry the love of my life_ type of look _._

The shorter woman is so eager to get to the altar it’s evident in the way she’s physically restraining herself not to run.

Even so she joins the others before the music stops and they all giggle.

Minji has never been a good actress, but this performance is crucial to her, so she laughs, like she’s having fun, like she’s not shattering inside.

And it’s **so** damn hard, she’s barely able to hold herself together, standing still as a statue because even the slightest movement would bring her to run away from there.

She remains unfocused for half of the priest’s speech, it helps her keep the pieces together.

But suddenly her ears start working again.

Minji knows what’s coming, what he’s about to say and that after that one sentence it’ll all be over.

Minji knows that’s her last chance to be happy.

Minji knows what she’s about to do will put an end to everything: her friendship with the both of them, the brief moments she enjoys the most, when it's just the two of them, the innocent touches, the hugs, those chaste kisses on her cheeks that leave her breathless.

But she has to do it.

For herself, just this once.

“… speak now or forever hold your peace”

“Wait”

Everyone in the church is looking at her now, their stares are scorching, setting her skin on fire, but she ignores them.

Instead she looks at her, right in her little confused warm brown eyes.

Oh how many times she has wished she could actually drown in them.

Those same eyes that long ago used to look at her like she was the whole world, giving her that love and warmth she has always wanted all to herself.

And maybe, just maybe, she can go back to being the girl’s everything.

All the bridesmaids are looking at each other in pure panic.

Dong tries to subtly hold Minji’s hand and stop her, but it’s too late.

“I’m sorry for interrupting. I'm not the kind of girl who usually barges in on a white veil occasion" she chuckles nervously, but everyone in the room is dead serious. She gulps "I know I shouldn’t. This is your special day and I swear I tried to keep quiet. I’ve done that for years. I just can’t hold it in anymore. I’m really sorry”

Siyeon and Bora look at each other, bewildered, slightly scared, but there's also a glint of what looks like hope in their pupils.

Then they both set their eyes on Minji.

The latter feels small under their gazes, but she lets her heart talk.

She looks at who she **knows** is the love of her life and lets it all out.

“I’m sorry for doing this to you and I hope you’ll be able to forgive me someday in the future. I just… it’s been here, inside my heart, for too long. You’ll probably think I could have just kept quiet since that’s what I’ve done for the past fourteen years. But I need to be sure that you don’t feel the same for me. I need to know. Or I won’t be able to move on. I’ve tried time and time again, I swear. But there’s always been this big **_what if_** inside my mind ruining all of my plans. It put down roots and I’ve never been able to shake that thought off. That maybe you’ve loved me back at one time. That maybe you still do. I know, I should’ve told you earlier. I’m aware this is like the worst timing ever and the worst moment possible to do this. I wasn’t even supposed to be here actually. I was strictly forbidden to come here by the girls. But I was too curious. I’m a masochist I guess. Then you saw me, one thing leads to another and now I’m here. But I’ll take my leave now. If you want me, you’ll find me outside, if not… well... goodbye”

Minji quickly climbs down the stairs and starts running towards the door, towards the light.

The eyes of all those present are still on her.

They’re shocked and outraged by her interruption, but the pain Minji feels in her chest helps her to completely ignore their blazing gazes.

She can’t look back, not now, not ever.

She knows she wouldn’t be able to endure the heartbreak not seeing the woman running after her.

So she keeps going, she keeps running until she’s out of breath, out of the church, until she’s far away from her biggest mistake: **her.**

Only then she turns around.

Dong’s strong hold on her hand takes her back to reality.

She looks around room, all eyes are on the brides who are softly smiling at each other.

The priest is saying something, but Minji can’t quite hear what, her ears are trying their best to protect her.

But she wants to listen, she **needs** to.

“Yes, I do”

Bora’s voice is shaky, but certain.

Minji can’t see her face from where she stands, but she’s sure she’s just as teary-eyed as Siyeon.

“You may now kiss the bride”

The preacher’s words first and then Siyeon and Bora’s kiss seal the deal.

The world around her is celebrating, claps, whistles, screams and a lot of tears.

But hers taste different.

The happiness she feels seeing her friends all smiley and cheerful, the relief for not ruining it all and the regret for wasting her last chance to turn her life around create a mix that tastes bittersweet on her lips.

But she wipes the tears away and swallows the heartbreak.

_Goodness knows you chased after me in that dream._

_I hope you did._

_At least there._

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there everyone :)   
> If you could leave kudos or even better comment and let me know what you thought of this, I would reeeeeeally appreciate it  
> If you don't want to, it's okay, I hope you enjoyed the reading  
> And if you want, you can find me on Twitter @lysztomania_


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